THE Father Ted never-ending Thread.

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O'SHEA: The parachutes!!! The parachutes have gone!!!

SCENE 17
SET: DOORWAY
We see Jack standing by the open doorway. We hear the roar of the wind going by. Jack attaches one parachute to a drinks trolley and pushes it out through the doorway. Then he jumps out.

JACK: DRIIIIIIIiiiiinnnnnkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

POST CREDIT SEQUENCE:
SCENE 21
SET: FIELD
As the credits roll, we see Jack stuck up a tree, entangled in his parachute. Nearby, just out of reach, is the drinks trolley dangling from the other parachute. There are no other trees for miles around. Jack vainly struggles to reach out to the drinks trolley.

i nominate this thread for the golden moments forum!

Cut to the other end of the line. It's Father Dick Byrne. He is in an uncharacteristically serious mood.

DICK: Hello Ted. Dick Byrne here.

TED: ...Dick...

DICK: I just wanted to call you and wish you all the best for Lent this year.

TED: What? Oh Lent, yeah. What are you giving up? Being the biggest eejit in the whole priesthood?!!!

DICK: No seriously Ted. If we can just put aside the joking for a moment, Lent is a solemn time of the year. I know we've had our disagreements in the past, but at the end of the day, we're both brothers in Christ.

TED: (Mood changing) Oh...

DICK: So, anyway, over here, we're making a special effort this year. I'm giving up cigarettes, Father Johnson is giving up alcohol, and Father McDuff is giving up skateboarding. And I have to say, the atmosphere of calm and serenity and devotion to Our Lord in the Parochial House is very special this year.

TED: (a bit more serious) Right.

DICK: So, would you like to do something similar? Why don't you give up the old cigarettes, and get the other two there to make an effort as well. Would you do that, Ted? Will you join us and go the extra miles this year?

TED: Well, Dick, I suppose you're right.Our chosen path is one of devotion to Our Lord. I suppose we should make a special effort, too.

DICK: Well Ted, it'll be worth it. I'll see you soon. God bless you Ted.

TED: Goodbye Dick. God bless you Dick.

We cut back to Dick. He raises a cigarette to his lips, draws on it and chuckles. He then laughs more hysterically. It echoes in a sinister way.

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SCENE: NIGHT
SET: PAROCHIAL HOUSE HALLWAY
Ted, in silhouette, opens the door to the room. He fumbles with the switch and finally manages to turn the light on. When he does so, we see Mrs Doyle standing right beside him, holding a tea tray.

MRS DOYLE: Tea, Father?
TED: Good God almighty!!!
MRS DOYLE: Oh, sorry, Father, did I give you a fright?
TED: What are you doing up?
MRS DOYLE: Oh, I always stay up, Father. Just in case any of you need a cup of tea.
TED: Mrs Doyle, there's really no need. You should get some sleep. How long have you been doing this?
MRS DOYLE: Oh, about three years now.
TED: But we never get up at night.
MRS DOYLE: Well, you're up now, aren't you, Father? Unless I'm hallucinating from lack of sleep. That's happened before, all right.
TED: Well, I was just going to go for a walk.
MRS DOYLE: OK, so, I'll stay here.
TED: There's really no need.
MRS DOYLE: Ah, go away with you. Have a nice walk, Father.

Ted thinks of saying something, then decides against it. He leaves the room, closing the door softly behind him. Mrs Doyle stands there, looking straight ahead, the tea tray in her hands. After a moment she looks at the light switch and turns it off. We see her standing there, in exactly the same position, in the darkness.

SET: PAROCHIAL HOUSE

Mrs Doyle opens the door for Len & Jessup. They walk in and see Ted and Dougal, both wearing half-moon spectacles and both looking over a large book. 'The Catechism of the Catholic Church'. Ted is pointing at something over Dougal's shoulder.

TED: That's true, Dougal, and you can see the importance of the Eucharist in the Mass from what Saint Paul says here...

DOUGAL: The way I see it...

BRENNAN (to Jessup): Pretending to talk about religion. (To Ted) Crilly!

TED: Ah!

DOUGAL: Len-

Len bristles.

DOUGAL: -d me a fiver, will you Ted?

Ted catches on and does so.

TED: Certainly Father McGuire. A fiver for you. Don't forget to pay me back! Ha ha.

BRENNAN (To Jessup): This type of thing, twenty-four hours a day. (To Ted) I'll make this short, Crilly. Show me the likeness and I'll be off. I have to go off to Rome tomorrow for an audience with the Pope.

DOUGAL: I love those programmes, did you see that one with Elton John?

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DOUGAL (very drunk): TED! TED, HOW ARE YA!

He goes to hug Ted. Ted reels from Dougal's breath.

TED: Dougal, what the ...?!
DOUGAL: Guess what, Ted!
TED: What?

Pause.

DOUGAL: What?
TED: Have you been drinking, Dougal?
DOUGAL: Yeah, I have! I've been drinking like a mad eejit, Ted. Oh, wait!

He looks at Fintan and winks broadly. Very deliberately.

DOUGAL: No, I haven't.

why is this thread still here? it should be in the golden moments forum.



awww so cute!!!!!

wouldnt that make the best smile shrunken down?

:feck:

i demmand Jack as a smiley

:feck:

genius!!!

:feck:

How about this one for :feck:

How about this one for :feck:

thats more like it.

Ted: i'm all right! Bishop Brennan, i'm fine now, thanks. Phew!!

Dougal: (shouting from downstairs): Did Len find the rabbits, Ted?

Pause. Brennan and Ted look at eachother. Ted's face is frozen in horror.

Brennan (very angry) : What did he say?!

Ted: Oh god look, i'd better tell you.....

Brennan: Didi he call me Len again?! (he shouts down) YOU ADDRESS ME BY MY PROPER TITLE YOU LITTLE BOLLOCKS!!

Who is that mad monkey man Father who comes to Craggy after Jack dies. The one who throws the books off the shelves.

Who is that mad monkey man Father who comes to Craggy after Jack dies. The one who throws the books off the shelves.

he's in 2 episodes and his name is : Monkey Priest!!


brilliant

He does have a real name. I watched it last night, but I can't remember what it was.

An amazing Father

He does have a real name. I watched it last night, but I can't remember what it was.

An amazing Father

Father Fay aka Monkey Priest (page 83)

But he is referred to simply as Monkey Priest.

Hes also in the Flight into Terror episode.

Ahhh! That's it! Father Fay! Makes me laugh just thinking of him.

Ted: (quietly): That's all right. (taking the monkey priest by the hand) Father Fay, how are you?

Monkey Priest: Egggh, egggh, ngaaa, egghhh.

Ted: He didi, it was very quick.

Monkey Priest : Ngaaa?

Ted: Ah yes, i suppose so....

Jim: Oh, Christ, Ted!!

he falls into Ted's arms

Jim: Why him Ted? Why is it always the good ones?

He looks up to heaven and punches his fist in the air.

Jim: You bastard!!

Ted (very concerned): Now, Father Sutton....

Sutton falls to his knees uncontrollably.

Jim: He could have been Pope, Ted. The feckin' Jesuits, they have it all tied up.....

Ted: yes....

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scenes of chaos then ensue as the priests attempt to get the monkey priest down. He starts throwing books at them. They duck for cover. Fade out as the noise continues.

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Ahem..